I felt like I was headed towards rock bottom, and wanted to avoid that place with everything I have. I confessed as much to a fellow church member and he said I had to go see his counselor. Seeing a “shrink” is totally not my thing. I have very little respect for the industry as a whole (so many psychiatrists and doctors just prescribe meds without having patients work on their mental health in other ways) and I certainly don’t like opening up to other Christians. You know how “they” are- a “well, God must have willed your tragedy” or “it must have been meant to be” or “God will use it to His good” kind of unhelpful talk that does nothing but make you angrier at God and His people.
Then I met David from Hope for the Soul. During our first meeting, I felt comfortable enough to tell him the story of why I am so angry with and do not trust God. (Feeling that comfortable is in and of itself a miracle!) Rather than share the normal Christian platitudes, he shared a story with me of something that God allowed that angered him, and then said that he hopes God gives him the opportunity to ask about that once he gets to heaven. I knew then that David was the right “shrink” for me.
When I needed David to be in my face, he was. When he shared his observations with me and I disagreed, he let me tell him I thought he was an ass. All the times I got up on my soap box to declare that I was right in every given situation, David would use my words and my thought process to highlight exactly how my great insight applied to my own struggles with and relationship to God. This habit and ability of David’s is both annoying and insightful.
But even more important, David reminded me that God wants to use me, and helped me get to a place where I want to be used by Him. And when I told David where I felt called, he let it go for about 20 minutes, then told me where God really wants to use me. David knew that I knew where God really wanted to use me and wasn’t going to let me talk my way out of it.
So now I am venturing out on my own for a bit, to see if I can learn to “struggle well” without giving in to “mediocrity”. (Two of the many things I learned from David.) I have been praying that God would direct me to serve Him in the way/s He wants me. I know He is faithful and will answer that righteous prayer. And when I stumble and backslide, I have David to call. Thank God for Hope for the Soul…